A Meeting with AL-Qaida
The episode with Al-Qaida
-Yes Mr. Officer said a calm Jimmy and left the room
Ok here is a little info about what happened:
Jimmy parents was working in the private organization NOT OR TV. That means:
No Organized or Terrible Violence.And they have there biggest mission yet.
Stop
a al-Qaida camp. Only 9 al-quad members or should i say the leaders of
the al-Qaida in the major city. They was going to Cuba and kill this leaders. With a premonition from the president of the ignited state, the president of Cuba and FBI. They sent 20 mann and Jimmy parents. They course to bring Jimmy because
they had no courses. Stay home or bring Jimmy. They course bring Jimmy. A very bad decision
In a secret Al-Qaida camp in Cuba Osama Bin Laden and other major names in Al-Qaida was going to discuses a securest plan i cant reveled. Jimmy got a gun and followed his parents. They saw the camp. The place had allot of half broken blinks to shoot at. A course to funned trough with hard opposites and a very nice house in the middle. There was the goal. But to get to there without steeping on any lands mines or get shot. Every leader have 3 bodyguard each and always allot of guards outside. Here is the plan: dog gonna run on the field and get the attention of the guards. Then we shoot every single guard at the same time. Get some bombs around the house and BOOM. No more Bin Laden. But this is not as easy as it sound. And this plan dose,t sound easy so you get the point.
The dog got shot after around 10–15 seconds. Our only hope is that some of the solders can get the guards. If its 20 seconds different 1 of the guards can call on the rest and 30 more guards gonna come. 70 al-Qaida vs 20 Mann are not a even a thinkable fight.
Sally. Silje. Joe, Sonny, Jim, Jimmy and Jimmy parents Martin and Martine. Sally had the bombs. Everyone had a gun. I can,t tell to much details about this story. This is a FBI case. So i have to be careful to only tell info the press had leaked. Like i know the place, the guns. Everything. I was there, im Jimmy godfather. But who am i? You never gonna know.
So Sally, Joe and and Jim took the front. Only 4 guards. The side had 6 that was Sonny and Siljes job. The back Was Jimmy and Martin and Martine had the back. Remember that Jimmy is 11 years old.
Goooo shouted Joe and everybody shot there guard. But 1 problem. Who guarded the left side. Nobody. 40 Al-Qaida men inn full armor came out with full loaded guns. Everything happened so fast. I saw dead people everywhere. My gun was empty. I took the first gun i found. And i looked close and good at the gun. The gracing: Good luck, love you Martin was in golden letters in the handel. Marta was dead.
I shoot a Al-Qaida guard in the chest. I funned in to the house. 3 guard funned after me. But i funned in a corner before the bullets hit me. I saw a door. Everything happened so fast. I funned in a door and got trough the (air duct) i was right under the leaders. I had the chance too kill a al Qaida leader. But i would probably got shoot self. I aimed at Bin Laden and right before I pulled the trigger. I remembered who that owned this gun. Marta. I saw Jimmy outside. Alone. That meaned that Martin was dead too. I can,t die from him. I am the only one he have left. I just crawled forward and jumped down in the next room.
I funned trough the door. For the first time in my life i felt the felling that i needed to be alive. When i do things like that i dose,t think. If i die i would become a martyr i would be the greatest pride. But now i dined,t think about martyr or anything. I thought i needed to be alive for Jimmy. I saw Jimmy in a top of a tree. Shooting terrorist. And it suprised me how well he was. He nailed it perfect. I screamed to him and when he saw me he started crying. Crying of happiness. He know that both his parents died because he had his dad special ************* gun with ************ on it. He had blood all over him. But he hasten,t cry. That,s weird. Even I cry sometimes. But if i had lost both my parents in my first battle when i was 11 years old. I would be heartbroken. But he dined,t even shed a tear. I dose,t know if he,s brave, heartless or that he haven,t realized that both his parents was dead. He jumped to my hands and we got away safe.
We sat in a abandon warehouse
-Jimmy. i have something terribly to tell you. Both you parents are, are, are
-Dead, yeah i know.
-aren't,t you heartbroken??
-No, im glad it happened. Now im not need to worry about there death
-Your parents are dead.
-I KNOW! I KNOW. EVERY TIME MY PARENTS LEFT ON A MISSION I AM AFRAID THIS HAPPENS. I AM SICK OF THE WAITING. THE WAITING IS FINALLY OVER!! IM GLAD THERE DEAD
-You don,t mean that. Take that back
-NEVER!!!
A police officer comes and takes with Jimmy
-So, your name is Jimmy ********* right?
-Yes officer
-Your parents are Martin and Marta ********* right?
-No, thats incorrect sir. There dead
-When did them die?
-Around 2 hours ago
-Who killed them ?
-Some random Al-Qaida guys
-Im sorry to here that. Where are you going to live?
-I gonna live with my godfather *******
-Ok, Do you need help to handle the pain
-No, im fine.
-Sure? its ok for a man to cry!
-Im fine
-Ok but you killed someone from al-Qaida right?
-Yes,i killed 5-6 guys
-You dose,t seem touch by this
-That,s because im not touch at all
-A last question. Are you able to kill a random person?
-Yes Mr. Officer said a calm Jimmy and left the room
''Credited to {{cpwuser|Mr.sixsixsix}}''
VASTLY IMPROVED VERSION
The episode with Al-Qaida
"It's a secret I can't reveal, Mr. Officer," said a calm, ominous Jimmy. He ominously fucked the table below him and ominously left the room.
TWELVE CENTURIES AGO...
Chapter One
Okay, here's a little heads-up on what happened:
Jimmy's parents were NOT OR TV agents. That stands for: Never Overdose Today OR Tomorrow, Victor! It was set up by a schizophrenic miser who loved to take drugs. A few days ago, Jimmy's parents left to battle Jeff the Killer. They succeeded, and, returning to their home whilst making out, had no idea about what was to come...
"Good morning, fuckers," the schizophrenic said to Jimmy's parents. They proceeded to GET NEKED and make out on the floor. "Fuckers, I am assigning you the task of... "getting rid"... of an Al-Qaida camp." He sipped (or rather, inhaled) his coke, pausing for half an hour to take in the beauty of the drug before resuming his speech. "Terrorism is bad for my business, and I require you two to take care of the task for me. There are nine Al-Qaida leaders in Cuba. You two are to fuck them all up. We already have the thumbs-up-in-my-ass approval from President Bush, thumbs-up-in-our-asses approval from the FBI, and I-don't-give-a-shit-about-thumbs-upping-you-guys-just-get-it-over-with-pronto approval from Cuba. We still have no approval from the major Al-Qaida leaders. Dismissed." Jimmy's parents GOT NOT NEKED and left the room.
On the way home, Martin, Jimmy's dad, said, "Martine, that was some good sex. Also, what do we do about Jimmy?" Martine proceeded to make out with Martin, get their car crashed, get sent to the hospital for twelve years, and finally, with their thumbs up their dicks, made their way to their own home. At this time, Jimmy had already graduated from college.
"Oh no!" Martine exclaimed. "What do we do with Jimmy while we're gone??!11///"
"It's simple," Martin responded. "We take Jimmy."
And so they went off on a journey like no other. Sitting on unicorns (for the element of surprise), Jimmy, Jimmy's parents, and 20 other extras who didn't matter went off... to go to a meeting with Al-Qaida.
Chapter Two
IN THE SECRET AL-QAIDA CAMP...
Osama Bin Laden sat there ominously sucking his ominous thumb while the distant sound of rainbows steadily came closer.
"We are going to discuss a secret plan we can't reveal," Osama ominously whispered.
"What?" the Taliban leader at the other end of the table asked. Osama ominously threw a cup of coffee at him, and the leader, seeking redemption for interrupting his superior, ran out of the room screaming from the hot coffee all over him. He proceeded to GET NEKED and make out with the NEKED grass. Little did he know that Martin and Martine were doing the same thing with the 20 other extras as they made their way over to Cuba...
Finally, after two minutes of running around, the unicorns got exhausted and proceeded to die. Everyone made it off safely, and they saw the Al-Qaida camp.
"Oh man," exclaimed Sally, one of the extras. "They're discussing a secret plan I can't reveal."
"Yeah," said Joe, another extra. He stepped on a landmine and blew up, and no one gave half a shit about him, because he was an extra.
"Okay," said Sonny, "what do we do now?" A bald eagle flew over and ripped his head off.
"We get into the compound and shoot everything, everywhere," Martin offered.
"No," interrupted Martine. "Do you see the layout of the camp? We need to utilize every option at our disposal." A lightning bolt hit three more extras. "We have dogs, trained men, and a kid with a gun. So here's my plan." A tank came out of the ground, shot at five extras, and reburied itself back into the dirt. "First, we get the dogs to go into the camp. Raise attention." A shark bit off half of an extra. "While the OpFor are running around with their dicks in their hands, we send in a small fireteam to flank them, while the main force enters through the main gate. We shoot random stuff while the flanking team plants explosives." Laser beams came out of the sky and vaporized two extras. "We then shoot everyone, and, just to make sure, blow the place to kingdom come. Understand me?"
The surviving one extra nodded, before spontaneously combusting.
"Okay guys," Martine said. "Let's get this over with. YEEHAW"
Chapter Three
"My leader," a Taliban leader said.
"Don't interrupt me," Osama Bin Laden ominously whispered before ominously taking out an ominous pistol and ominously shooting the Taliban leader. The leader screamed out in fear before realizing Osama had blanks loaded in the ominous pistol.
"Next time, it'll be real," Osama ominously said, before ominously putting his pistol back into his ominous shirt.
"I'm ready!" Jimmy said.
"My dick is ready!" Martin shouted.
"My body has been ready since the Romans first stepped onto land!" Martine exclaimed.
"Woof!" a dog barked, before being randomly blown up (because, you know, who cares about extra dogs?)
"GO!" everyone shouted.
The dogs ran into the compound and were filled with bullets by the trained Taliban soldiers.
"Americans! Get them!" the Taliban squad leader shouted.
"Oh no!" Martin declared as sad violin music came out of nowhere. "We have to make a desperate last stand!"
The trio promptly loaded their rifles and proceeded to shoot down 100 Al-Qaida members.
Suddenly, a Taliban soldier appeared out of nowhere and shot a bullet at Martin's knee. The violin piece reached a crescendo as Martin went down onto the ground in slow motion.
"DADDY!" Jimmy yelled.
"MY SEX PARTNER!" Martine yelled.
"WOLF!" the one and only dog left barked.
"Get into the barnhouse!" Martine said to Jimmy as bullets flew past their defensible position.
"Okay," Jimmy said as a barnhouse appeared out of nowhere behind them. "But we can stay here- we have invincibility on, infinite ammo on, God mode on-"
"Go now, son," Martine whispered, before picking her rifle back up and starting the slaughter of Taliban and Al-Qaida once more.
Jimmy cried. He crai every taim.
Chapter Four
Jimmy went into the barnhouse as action music played and Taliban soldiers chased after him.
He broke open the door and was surprised to see his uncle masturbating on the floor to porn. Porn so secret... it can't be revealed.
Jimmy gasped.
The Taliban soldiers gasped.
I gasped.
Jimmy's uncle cleared his throat and sat on the porn. He then shot the Taliban soldiers.
"So what's up, nephew? Don't say anything- just go sit on the tree outside," his uncle told him.
Jimmy went to the tree and spent the next fifty years shooting Taliban soldiers.
"Okay, that's enough." His uncle ushered him back inside.
They sat on the floor. Outside, the Taliban soldiers, in frustration of not being able to find Jimmy, GOT NEKED and made out with each other. The NEKED grass smiled.
"Okay... Jimmy, I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"Your parents are... are..."
"Dead? Yeah, I know."
"I was going to tell you that they were bisexual, but yeah, they're dead."
"I knew it! Everytime they went off to have sex, I told them!"
"Calm down, Jimmy."
Jimmy nuked half the world before continuing.
"I was scared everytime they left... so I GOT NEKED and... jacked off... to nude pictures of my mom. And my dad."
Sad piano music played as Jimmy's uncle gasped.
"My god... Jimmy..."
"And I'm ''glad'' they're dead!"
Jimmy's uncle gasped again.
"You don't mean that, do you?" Jimmy's uncle said. "Take that back right now, young man, or I will anally probe you!"
"NEVER!!!"
Sirens sounded outside, and the police got into a nation-wide firefight with the Al-Qaida members. Osama Bin Laden ominously sat, watching, while ominously jacking off. People gasped at random times due to the severity of the plot twist.
A police officer opened the barnhouse's door and gasped at Jimmy. He continued gasping at every other second as he led Jimmy away in handcuffs while his uncle watched, NEKED...
Chapter Five
"Take a seat, Jimmy," the police officer said. Outside, the police officer that escorted Jimmy to the police station died of hyperventilation from too many gasps.
"Okay, officer," Jimmy said in an ominous tone.
"Alright, so your name is Jimmy Starstarstarstarstarstarstarstarstar, correct?"
"Yes," Jimmy ominously whispered. He took a cup of coffee and ominously threw it to Unicornland.
"Your parents are Martin and Martine Starstarstarstarstarstarstarstarstar, right?"
"No, that is incorrect," Jimmy ominously inhaled.
"And why is that?"
"They're dead." Ominous music starts to play while the officer outside GETS NEKED.
"When did they die?"
"Around... two hours ago," Jimmy ominously said as he ominously took a look a his ominous watch.
"Who killed them?"
"Al-Qaida." Jimmy ominously started to masturbate with the table.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Jimmy. Where are you going to live?"
"In an ominous place. With my godfather," Jimmy ominously responded.
"Okay. Do you need some sex to help cope with the pain? I can call in some unicorn-"
"No," Jimmy ominously interrupted. "I'm fine."
"Sure? It's okay for a man to satisfy his pleasures!"
"I'm fine," Jimmy said in a gravelly, ominous voice. He took out a pistol and ominously shot a blank at the wall.
"Okay... but, just out of curiousity, you killed some Al-Qaida members, right?"
"I slaughtered their entire fucking army." Jimmy ominously zipped his pants back up.
"You does,t seem touched by this fact."
"That's because..." Jimmy ominously took a deep breath and put on some sunglasses...
"...I'm not touch at all."
The ominous music reached its crescendo.
"Okay... thank you for your time, Mr. Starstarstarstarstarstarstarstarstar."
"You're welcome."
Jimmy got up.
"Just one more question, Jimmy..."
"Hm?" Jimmy turned around.
"Are you able, at any given time, to look at a man, pull out a weapon, and kill him?"
"It's a secret I can't reveal, Mr. Officer," said a calm, ominous Jimmy. He ominously fucked the table below him and ominously left the room.
THE END
...OR IS IT? DUN DUN DUN
''Vastly improved version written by .''
Later...
Jimmy waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Al-Qaidas in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Mr. Officer were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Jimmy was a NOT OR TV member for fourteen years. When he was young he watched his parents and he said to dad "I want to be on the planes daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY AL-QUIDAS!"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the Cuban base of the Osama he knew there were Al-Qaidas.
"This is Mr. Officer" the radio crackered. "You must fight the Al-Qaidas!"
So Jimmy gotted his mahcine gun and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the Al-Qaidas
"I will shoot at him" said the Osama Bin Laden and he fired the rocket missiles. Jimmy machinegunned at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the Al-Qaidas" he shouted
The radio said "No, Jimmy. You are the Al-Qaidas"
And then Jimmy was touch by this.
''True Ending, a remix, written by {{cpwuser|ClericofMadness}}''
{{video|A Meeting with AL-Qaida...}}